i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize