Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
