Taylor Swift is so right about you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
