The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
