You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
