He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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