Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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