I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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