butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
