If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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