What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
