Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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