I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
