Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
