could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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