Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
