would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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