what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize