You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
