You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
