Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just want nice things and good sex
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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