I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
