Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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