what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
