worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
