so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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