After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
