Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
