I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
