I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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