I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
