I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
