I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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