omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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