I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize