if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
