so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
