I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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