I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
