i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
