Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
