Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize