I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
