I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
