I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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