I heard we made out
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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