what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
