look no pants
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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