Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
