i just wanna soil my oats bro
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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