We named our party play list daddy issues
I look better un-naked...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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