OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
