my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
