Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
