Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
