I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
