do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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