if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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