Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
