I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
