oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
