So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
