I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
high people should be assigned attendants
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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