I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
