It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
