My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
