dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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