And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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