The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
