I wanna bring you to show and tell
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize