I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
