Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Randomize
