Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
