I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
