and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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