Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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