Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
