He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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