her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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