How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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