Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
