I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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