there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
