I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
