just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
