Moan for me like Helen Keller
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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