anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
