I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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