I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
