They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
